Never look back unless you are planning to go that way.
- Henry David Thoreau


I thought this appropriate for the New Year's. We tend to look ahead at this time and most often take a moment to reflect upon our lives. Reflecting upon a life lived makes it a life worth living. A few years back I realized the difference between reflecting and looking backwards when a very wise man in my life said, "You cannot compare yourself to others, you can only compare yourself to who you were yesterday, who you are now, and who you want to be tomorrow." His words keep me in the present moment when reflecting on my life & circumstances. I never want to look back so much that my gaze becomes fixed there... I like to learn from experience, be happy in the moment, and gaze upon the endless possibilities.

Overall, I feel blessed that I have lived another year and that I keep moving forward.

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2008!!!

Contribution #5 - Horace Mann

"It is well to think well; it is divine to act well." - Horace Mann

So often we mortals think, and fall short of speech and action. I saw a recent poll (sorry, I can't remember where, but it was on the internet) where it said that over 90% of people felt they did not hear 'thank you' or 'you're welcome' enough in this day & age. How many of us are in relationships--romantic or otherwise--and we feel we have to ask if others love us or we just feel downright unloved? Saying these few phrases a bit more might probably raise humankind a bit more up the evolutionary ladder.

"Actions speak louder than words" is an old adage... and there's a reason for it to be so well known--it is truth! Being there for a friend in crisis, as much as your capable of, is indeed a worthy course of action. You demonstrate compassion and build trust when you act well towards other, no matter the action. You also get the opportunity to become less self-centered. Now, I don't mean self-centered only in an egotistical way--you can have the lowest self-esteem in the world and be depressed, and still this is a self-centered way of life.

When I first starting practicing Nichiren Buddhism with the SGI (a Buddhism lay organization), I was depressed. That was why I was seeking a spiritual solution in my life. My practice gave me hope and faith that things would change... and they did as I threw myself into altruistic activities within the organization to help others to practice Buddhism. I remember receiving spiritual guidance about a month after practicing because of my depression. The senior in faith told me that I had to start acting like a Boddhisattva [literally, a living being (sattva) who aspires to enlightenment (bodhi) and carries out altruistic practices]. After one month of me learning how to recite the prayers we do (which are in a form of Sanskrit, no less), I was encouraged to help others learn to recite the prayers. That act probably saved my life... OK, so I'm being a bit dramatic, but it did get me outside of myself, thinking of others, and taking the focus off things that were going on back then which seem petty and forgettable now. Making a positive impact in someone else's life, in turn, helped me to feel better about my life.

Acting for others gives me perspective in terms of my own life. Parents who help their children grow into healthy, happy adults are prime examples of altruism... good parents think of what's best for their children and act accordingly. You can definitely see the positive results of their actions in their children (I have seen it in Penny's daughter!)... and those children develop into people capable of acting in altruistic ways themselves. It just multiplies!!!

So smile... say 'please,' 'you're welcome' & 'thank you' often... volunteer in your community... hold the door open for someone... feel capable of positively effecting another person's life & act accordingly... and please just enjoy being with the people in your life... make sure you speak and act with love towards them so they will feel loved... that love will be reflected back to you in no time... a thousandfold.

Contribution #4 - William James

This life is worth living, we can say, since it is what we make it.

- William James

Making what you make out of life has been a recurrent theme for me. When I was a student at Mount Holyoke College, I was told that the experience would be what I made of it. I didn't make much of, but I got the point. When I lived in Los Angeles, I really did put this idea into action and transformed myself (somewhat) into a relatively self-made person. Now that I'm back at college (MCLA), I've come full circle back around to this idea that life is what you make of it.

I guess, on a deeper level, I have my Buddhist practice to thank for understanding this concept and putting it into action. In the philosophy of Nichiren Buddhism, we believe that we must never forfeit our responsibility under any situation. This is not to say that we blame ourselves for the messes in our lives, or arrogantly sit upon the laurels of our accomplishments. In a nutshell, it means that we live our lives as best we can, where we are right now, and with the skills and knowledge of who we are and what we're capable of doing.

I acknowledge, but no longer focus on, what's lacking in my life. Instead, I try to have no regrets and concentrate on living to my fullest potential. That is the sense of responsibility I feel and try to embody every day. In a very personal sense that means that I can't expect to lose the weight I want to by asking a friend to exercise and I can't earn money by watching a co-worker count his/her money. I am responsible for my own happiness... and unhappiness.

Yet, there is also a seamless interconnectedness in the universe which makes it possible for us to see our influence on others and in our environment, i.e., when I take responsibility to go out every day and sweep the pavement in front of my apartment building, before long others are either taking care not to add garbage or sweeping with me AND neighbors nearby are doing the same thing for their streets so that pretty soon we build a sense of community & pride to create cleaner & safer places to live. It's true what they say... it just takes one person to change the whole world, just as it only takes one person to mess it up. I truly believe that a positive change can be enacted an individual who possesses determination, consistent effort and stamina -- and that individual exists in the mirror!

Anyway, life is what you make of it -- and I'm choosing to create a positive life. If I can encourage just one other person to take a positive step in his/her life by being an example, well that's just icing on the cake... and most of us eat cake just so we can get a corner piece (or one of those flowers) so we savor the icing!!!

Contribution #3 - Margaret Cho

"Sometimes when we are generous in small, barely detectable ways it can
change someone else's life forever."– Margaret Cho

I have been feeling nostalgic and reflecting a lot about my life lately. I guess in a way I've been flooded with memories since my stepmother's death and since I've been making positive & lasting changes in my life. I've been feeling very fortunate that I've received so much support through the years.

Yesterday one of my good friends was rushed to the hospital. She had had a mini-stroke. It was amazing how I snapped to attention and was there for her. I have also made myself available to her family if they need my support. Today I'm feeling very fortunate that I have the opportunity to give back to those loved ones in my life who have supported me.

Specific to this quote, I remember once, when I was working as a promotion assistant for a major record label, I had set up a special event for one of the Country music acts on the label. They were playing at a county fair so my boss invited various radio & reporting personnel to the concert. I rented a bus for all of us to make the trip up (yes, it was a wild party bus!) and purchased the admission & ride tickets for everyone in advance. Well, of course, not everyone who was invited came so I had a bunch of tickets leftover once we arrived.

I noticed that there were some kids by the fair entrance -- looking at the fair from outside the gate, and looking too poor to afford to get in. I went up the one of the oldest looking girls (she looked about 9 or 10) and asked her if she wanted the tickets for her and her friends. She was shocked, but I told her that I had extras and I wanted to put them to good use. I practically had to push the tickets (for admissions & rides) into her hands. Before I turned to walk away, I asked her to have fun with her friends.

I think of that girl from time to time... she was mixed, like me, and was wearing handed-down clothes with no shoes. She could have most likely to ended up as some kind of statistic for juvenile delinquency, but my hope has been that she felt she deserved more in life after I gave her the tickets. I've prayed for that little girl to grow up and create a good life for herself.

Contribution #2 - Julia Alvarez

"The point is not to pay back kindness but to pass it on."– Julia Alvarez

Well, Penny, since you're dealing with other things in your life right now, I figured I'd help you keep up this wonderful, amazing and inspirational blog. (I get quotes delivered right to my email inbox every day, so I'm happy to pinch hit for you now!)

There were other quotes I could have chosen, but this quote had a bit of synchronicity to its relevance -- I was talking to my friend's husband the other day about this concept of passing on kindness. He and I both come from incredibly dysfunctional families and we have experience unkindness from relatives in the past. What's so wonderful about the present though, is that my friend, her husband and her son have all embraced me as family, as I have done with them.

Anyway, Joe and I were agreeing on this point of passing on kindness -- it's no skin off your nose when you do, and it'll probably make you feel better when it's done. How come so many people don't understand that concept? Is it a lack of compassion for others? Is it that we are all so focused on what we can get out of life, rather than what we can give? Or is it just that not enough people have seen the movie "Pay It Forward"?

Well, whatever it is, it doesn't really matter to me. I'm going to pass on kindness, as altruistically as I am capable of, whenever the opportunity arises, regardless of what others are doing around me. Unfortunately Joe sometimes gets upset over the troubles of the world, but I know the sun is still shining above the clouds on a rainy day (I've been on flights that actually prove this phenomenon). Maybe Joe's faith in the limitless potential of the universe is obscured by the news or maybe his philosophy on life is a bit too bleak for my tastes... that doesn't matter either since I don't compare myself to others anymore. I can only look at who I am today, who I was yesterday, and who I want to become tomorrow.

I have had an enormous amount of kindness paid to me over the years... from many, many people (including my very dear friend Lilyane, who has been there with a helping hand at some very crucial moments in my life). How do I repay my debt of gratitude to all those people? It's simple -- become capable, through the help of those friends, to share kindness to others around me who are in need of kindness. And since "kindness" may take on many forms, I allow myself to be compassionate enough to act according to the uniqueness of each individual.

Penny, this is but one way for me to repay my debt of gratitude, and I thank you for the opportunity to pass on this kindness to your readers!

Contribution #1 - Daisaku Ikeda

Why doesn't constant trampling defeat the dandelion? The key to its
strength is its long and sturdy root, which extends deep into the earth. The
same principle applies to people. The true victors in life are those whose who,
enduring repeated challenges and setbacks, have sent the roots of their being to
such a depth that nothing can shake them.
- Daisaku Ikeda (Buddhist philosopher, educator and prolific writer & poet; President of the Soka Gakkai International (SGI) lay Buddhist movement)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PENNY!!! I hope you enjoyed and celebrated with vim & verve! And thank for giving me the opportunity to write in your blog.

One of my favorite movies is Federico Fellini's "Amacord." It's basically a nostalgic "year-in-the-life" tale of his childhood and, though it's set in World War II during the reign of Mussolini and his facist government, it is a delightful & funny film. There is one scene, denoting the coming of spring, that is most memorable for me. It is after winter, when the family is walking outside together and all of a sudden dandelion seeds (that fluff that gets over everything) blow in. There are so many of them that it looks like it's snowing. But because it signifies the advent of spring, the boy starts chasing the dandelion seeds with joy and playfulness.

I had never seen that phenomenon until I moved to the Berkshires. It's been "raining" dandelion seeds for at least a month now... although not as much as in Fellini's film, but I can't tell you how much joy there is in my heart seeing this magical sign of spring. Winter is far from being my favorite season (that's why I lived in Los Angeles for as long as I could), but somehow here in the Berkshires, at this time in my life, it is more endurable because I know it will "never fail to turn into spring" (Nichiren Daishonin, 13th c. Buddhist monk). Since living in the Berkshires, experiencing the inevitable change of season has been enchanting.

As the seasons change, I am reminded of the impermanence of the universe. I am understanding more that, with each year I grow older, death is also inevitable. My stepmother just passed away on June 10th and Shin Yatomi, a friend & fellow Soka Gakkai member passed away on May 31st. Although both had illnesses which would not improve, both deaths were unexpected for me. Although my stepmother was 72 years old, I had thought she would live until 80, like so many of her relatives. Shin was only 45 years old with inoperable lung cancer, but I thought, perhaps, he had at least a year since he told of us his illness, not a matter of months. I will miss them both and I will honor both by continuing to live, creating value with courage, compassion & wisdom as they did.

I am truly fortunate that my spiritual practice is the Buddhism of Nichiren Daishonin. It's the fuel that keeps me going, and the glue that helps me when things fall apart. It is also a philosophy that allows me to understand life, death, cause & effect, and the mysterious wonders of the universe. It has allowed me to mourn for my stepmother and friend without needless suffering and to appreciate the impact on my life even more. Chanting nam-myoho-renge-kyo for them now, after their deaths, is the action I can take to continually praise their lives and the meditation I can do to find ways of repaying my debt of gratitude to them. For they, in their own unique way, supported the roots of my being to grow and reach the depths that I can now endure.

Big Mouth on a Small Planet

Big Mouth on a Small Planet

So today I begin my experiment with speaking in text anew. (I have an awful lot to say when my mouth is running. Put finger to keyboard, (pen to paper, chisel to stone, you get the drill) however, and I suddenly speechless.

So I've been thinking a lot about restaurant seating lately. And why restaurants have any "bad" tables at all. (And why I manage to be seated at one first go round often as not.) I go out to eat quite a bit and by now have some regular spots. I think I'll try out new eateries and see how often I am seated near a bathroom or drafty door. This should be interesting...

Week 8 - Emerson

We must be our own before we can be another's.
-Emerson

March 12, 2001, I was at work when I received a call from my mother. The doctors had informed her that it was only a matter of time for my grandmother, Vera Clowney. I immediately packed, picked up my daughter from school and headed home to NY. For the next day and a half, my mother, aunt and I held vigil with my grandmother. Touching her, kissing her, telling her we loved her. Shortly after she took her last breath, a voice came to me (I still don't know if it was mine, hers or God's) that said "Your life is your own". Even though I didn't quite understand it, I held it. In the six years since she died, I truly know that I own my life; it belongs to me and me alone. It is up to me to protect my dreams, create freely and to live my life on my terms, no matter how unconventionally it may look to the world. I will not let anything or anyone take from me that which is not freely given, and I will be self-preserving enough to nurture my joy. My joy can only bring more joy in the world. I am strong enough to deal with sorrow and not let it take who I am. Nobody and nothing owns my life, not a boss or a bill. This past week, I was dismissed earlier than my resignation date. My co-workers and the volunteers were upset, but it's truly been one of the best weeks I've had since I moved. I'm doing yoga, making appointments, able to focus on creative projects. I'm loving my life. I want even more of this.

A lovely friend of mine were having a conversation recently and she recounted a story of a relative asking her to visit. She told her relative that she would have to check at work to see about vacation time. And then it dawned on her, she's sixty, her parents are no longer alive, and she has to ask permission to do something that she wants to do. She is now actively pursuing projects and a business so that she will not be in that position. That's how I'm feeling at this point in my life. I'm a grown woman. I've raised a child who is just about grown. Why should I have to seek permission to live my life?

Question: How are you able to live your life freely and wholly?

Week 7 - Oliver

When it's over, I want to say: all my life
I was a bride married to amazement.
I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.
- Mary Oliver, from When Death Comes

This is a small excerpt from the poem; please click on the link to view the whole poem. Valentine's Day was yesterday and, while it celebrates romantic love, I think we should include all types of love and loving experiences because that is what buoys your well-being. When I can remember that I am loved and to pursue what it is I love, I am blissful. When I don't, and lately, I haven't, I am miserable. Being married to amazement means to me that something I'm doing or pursuing is lighting up my imagination, my creativity, my soul. This year, I'm going to play with taking the world in my arms. I'm gong to write a list of things that would bring amazement in my life and carry that around with me and keep it on my wall because I tend to forget what is important. I'll share them as they come to fruition.

The first thing that brings me amazement is my tango dancing. I love it so much and only wish I could do more of it. This week was the first week when it felt like we were really dancing, not just doing steps. It is such a smooth and sensual dance, so much fun to perform.

Question: What brings amazement into your life?

Week 6 - Parson

When I began Inspirations, I had in mind to post a new quote every Saturday. Last Saturday, Feb 3, however, none of the quotes I had collected touched me. The day before was my mother (and my aunt's) 60th birthday and I had made plans to surprise her by driving up. The day before, though, I realized I couldn't afford to rent a car to take the trip. Birthdays are important to me, and to not see my mother on such a special birthday really hurt.

Strange how inspiration finds you. Usually, I write the quote first and then explain its importance, but this passage requires a brief explanation. I took yesterday off and while cleaning up, I ran across a letter my father wrote to my mother. He wrote the letter while he was in the hospital for a cancer treatment sometime in 1980. My father died on February 23, 1981. He was 40 years old, the same age as me, and when I put myself in his shoes, it's terrifying. I remember when I graduated from 5th grade, he wrote in my autograph book that he wanted me to graduate from college, too. He had dreams for my brothers and me that he would never see. I watched my father fight so hard to live, fight to stay with us even when he could no longer breathe by himself or swallow. I watched my mother, who was a young woman, deal with the diagnosis, the illness, the death, and the aftermath with dignity and strength. I saw them try to keep some semblance of normalcy for us even as our lives were turning into a nightmare. I didn't know at the time, but I was witnessing great acts of courage every day. This letter reminds me of what real love and dedication look like in the face of hardship. It reminds me of the type of person my father was and my mother is. I am made of great stock. My parents inspire me to keep fighting for the life I want. Here is the letter from my father, Willie Parson. [I cleaned up the spelling, but kept his punctuation].

Hi Love,

Just a short note to let you know I am all right, so far, this is Monday and I just came back from X-ray, have to go back again tomorrow, they will take pictures while I am swallowing some pink stuff, and if everything is ok they will take this trick [I think he is referring to his tracheostomy] out. When I came up on the floor everybody was glad to see me. They were running around telling everybody Will is here, everybody was telling me how good I looked and how much weight I had put on. Everybody asked about you, how is your wife and the kids, they were amazed at the way I look, they tell me whatever your wife is doing for you just keep it up. They were telling me how good a man I am, and behind every good man stands a good woman, true. I might be home early this time because they are starting the treatment right away. Kids go back to school Wed., right. I hope you get those food stamps we need them bad.

I forgot to ask you where was Penny and Mom going Monday on a bus. Well, I've just about written out now. Tell the gang I said Hello and be good. I'll see you all when I get home Friday I hope. Please don't forget I love you all very much. I guess that's what keeps me going, a loving family.

Bye now
See you later

My father was a really good artist and at the end of the letter, there are pictures of a school bus, cat, and a man with a net, with the following instructions: For Andre [my youngest brother, probably 4 at this time] to color and don't mess it up.

Guest Writer

I am not feeling very inspired this week and I hate to let a whole week go by without a post, so I'm asking for a guest writer to list a favorite quote and what it means to him or her.

Week 5 - Wise

If you are feeling lively, burst into song. If you are feeling jealous, burst into song. If you are feeling ecstatic, burst into song. If you are feeling blue, burst into song.
- Nina Wise, from A Big Free Happy New Unusual Life

The difficulties of last week led me to music. I spent a good part of the weekend downloading music to my computer. First things first, you need to understand that if I could have any talent in the world it would be singing. When I was very young, I wanted to be Cher from the "Sonny and Cher Variety Show" days, to wear beautiful costumes and sing, to be a V-A-M-P. Alas, I was not given that gift, but there is still a part of me that clings to that fantasy. Second, music really takes me there; Urs, more than anyone, knows that certain songs make me transcend, make me feel the Holy Ghost. Music is like silk, or leather, or cashmere, or cotton, sensuality for the soul. Do I want to wrap myself in Sade, Teddy Pendergrass, George Gershwin, Madeleine Peyroux or Janis Joplin? Shall I go to Brazil, or France, or Cuba? Travel back to the '50's or the '70's? Should I take a seat in an intimate, smoky lounge or happily let the music keep me on my feet?

When I was dj'ing, I so enjoyed figuring out what songs I should play on the radio, which ones were special to me, what stories to tell about them, what mood I wanted to create for my audience. I have all sorts of playlists that take me different places: "The Brazilian Songs", "The French Songs", "The Soul Songs", "The Classical Songs", "The Disco Songs", "The Funk Songs".

The playlist that I put together on Sunday I titled "The Sexy Songs" and includes: "Crying" by Rose Royce, "Love Won't Let Me Wait" by Major Harris, "Simply Beautiful" by Al Green, "Between You and Me Baby" by Curtis Mayfield, "Giving Him Something He Can Feel" by En Vogue and "Joy in My Tears" by Stevie Wonder. Silky, smooth, sexy. I have been walking around feeling passionate and sensual, wonderful, like a V-A-M-P.

Question: What songs are the soundtracks of your life? What do they do for you?


A Big New Free Happy Unusual Life: Self Expression and Spiritual Practice for Those Who Have Time for Neither

Cryin' - Rose Royce
Best of Rose Royce from "Carwash"

Joy Inside My Tears - Stevie Wonder
Songs in the Key of Life

Week 4 - continued (Living The Life You Imagine)

What a blessed week! I have such wonderful friends and, in different ways, I was surrounded by so many of my angels with love and support. Sherry helped me see what I had forgotten was important. Lilyane helped me be honest with myself. Simone was Simone, unguarded and honest. Tonya and Laura really took on the question about living the life you've imagined. I wasn't able to answer it last week, but here's what I can say now. Living the life I imagine means being free to make choices that lead me to delight. It means following the threads of creativity, adventure, passion, beauty, fun, love and seeing where they lead me. It means holding on to my dreams as if they were precious babies, nurturing them and letting them grow, until they have a life of their own; accepting that kind of responsibility and with it, knowing the satisfaction that will come when my dreams are fully in the world. It means sharing my life with the wonderful people in it already and those yet to come.

Week 4 - Thoreau

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined.
-Henry David Thoreau

This week has been a tough one. Having to face realistically my job prospects has been tough. I'm a little at a loss right now and have not been feeling very inspired. Yesterday, I was browsing in Barnes and Noble and saw this Thoreau quote on a magnet and bought it because somehow it touched a little bit of my soul. I have yet to really think about the imperative - Live the life you've imagined - but I will this weekend. I'd love to hear what you have to say and I hope to put down a beautiful, inspired, lovely answer for myself.Question: What is the life you've imagined for yourself?

Week 3 - Campbell

When a spider makes a beautiful web, the beauty comes out of the spider's nature. . . How much of the beauty of our own lives is about the beauty of being alive?
-Joseph Campbell


I read the Power of Myth (a compilation of interviews for the PBS documentary series with Bill Moyers) a couple of years ago. It resonated deeply with me on several levels because I was questioning so much of my life. Joseph Campbell was not only an intelligent and educated man, he was also very wise. And if you ever get the chance to read the book, whether you agree or disagree with his theses, you will be challenged to think of religion, spirituality, and life in new and, maybe even, exciting ways.

The quote above reminds me of my experiences volunteering for the Omega Institute's "Being Fearless" conferences. It's been 2 years now and running that I've been a part of the Information/Help team. I love it so much. I began volunteering because I wanted to take the workshops and I couldn't afford them, but last year, I realized that I really enjoy being of service, of being a source of calm and love, and that makes a huge difference in those whose lives I've touched. When I am in my nature, like that spider, I am beautiful and the world around me is beautiful. And I don't just mean physically (although it is nice and I definitely appreciate physical beauty - has anyone seen my picture with Ryan Gentles!). But really I mean to have beautiful connections with each other, to share kind words, to touch someone's heart, to be open - these are the things that make life worthwhile.

Post your comments on the following questions.
Question: When do you feel most beautiful and alive? How much of the beauty of your own life is about being alive?

Read more about Joseph Campbell and The Power of Myth

Week 2 - Thoreau

Our truest life is when we are in dreams awake.
- Henry David Thoreau

This quote is taken from a longer paragraph http://www.quoteland.com/topic.asp?CATEGORY_ID=49 and includes another interesting thought. Feel free to take a look at it. This thought, though, of dreaming while awake is intriguing to me. Especially since I have had dreams this week in which I magically have more space. Now I've been thinking about the idea of expansiveness for a while and boo-hooing about not being an expansive thinker and yet, in my dreams, I have more than enough space. I'm not sure what it all means, but I think that, somehow, my dreams are telling me/reinforcing/encouraging me. If I am more expansive than I have previously thought, then what does that mean in terms of job, money, home , travel, spirituality, love? If I were in my dreams awake, my life would be how I described it in last dream. The person was saying my bedroom was lovely and very big, and I said, "Yes, it's very peaceful."

Question: What would your life be like if you were in your dreams awake?

Here is more information on Henry David Thoreau
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henry_David_Thoreau

Thoreau's full discourse on dreams can be found in A Week on the Concord and Merrimack Rivers