Week 8 - Emerson

We must be our own before we can be another's.
-Emerson

March 12, 2001, I was at work when I received a call from my mother. The doctors had informed her that it was only a matter of time for my grandmother, Vera Clowney. I immediately packed, picked up my daughter from school and headed home to NY. For the next day and a half, my mother, aunt and I held vigil with my grandmother. Touching her, kissing her, telling her we loved her. Shortly after she took her last breath, a voice came to me (I still don't know if it was mine, hers or God's) that said "Your life is your own". Even though I didn't quite understand it, I held it. In the six years since she died, I truly know that I own my life; it belongs to me and me alone. It is up to me to protect my dreams, create freely and to live my life on my terms, no matter how unconventionally it may look to the world. I will not let anything or anyone take from me that which is not freely given, and I will be self-preserving enough to nurture my joy. My joy can only bring more joy in the world. I am strong enough to deal with sorrow and not let it take who I am. Nobody and nothing owns my life, not a boss or a bill. This past week, I was dismissed earlier than my resignation date. My co-workers and the volunteers were upset, but it's truly been one of the best weeks I've had since I moved. I'm doing yoga, making appointments, able to focus on creative projects. I'm loving my life. I want even more of this.

A lovely friend of mine were having a conversation recently and she recounted a story of a relative asking her to visit. She told her relative that she would have to check at work to see about vacation time. And then it dawned on her, she's sixty, her parents are no longer alive, and she has to ask permission to do something that she wants to do. She is now actively pursuing projects and a business so that she will not be in that position. That's how I'm feeling at this point in my life. I'm a grown woman. I've raised a child who is just about grown. Why should I have to seek permission to live my life?

Question: How are you able to live your life freely and wholly?