We must be our own before we can be another's.
-Emerson
March 12, 2001, I was at work when I received a call from my mother. The doctors had informed her that it was only a matter of time for my grandmother, Vera Clowney. I immediately packed, picked up my daughter from school and headed home to NY. For the next day and a half, my mother, aunt and I held vigil with my grandmother. Touching her, kissing her, telling her we loved her. Shortly after she took her last breath, a voice came to me (I still don't know if it was mine, hers or God's) that said "Your life is your own". Even though I didn't quite understand it, I held it. In the six years since she died, I truly know that I own my life; it belongs to me and me alone. It is up to me to protect my dreams, create freely and to live my life on my terms, no matter how unconventionally it may look to the world. I will not let anything or anyone take from me that which is not freely given, and I will be self-preserving enough to nurture my joy. My joy can only bring more joy in the world. I am strong enough to deal with sorrow and not let it take who I am. Nobody and nothing owns my life, not a boss or a bill. This past week, I was dismissed earlier than my resignation date. My co-workers and the volunteers were upset, but it's truly been one of the best weeks I've had since I moved. I'm doing yoga, making appointments, able to focus on creative projects. I'm loving my life. I want even more of this.
A lovely friend of mine were having a conversation recently and she recounted a story of a relative asking her to visit. She told her relative that she would have to check at work to see about vacation time. And then it dawned on her, she's sixty, her parents are no longer alive, and she has to ask permission to do something that she wants to do. She is now actively pursuing projects and a business so that she will not be in that position. That's how I'm feeling at this point in my life. I'm a grown woman. I've raised a child who is just about grown. Why should I have to seek permission to live my life?
Question: How are you able to live your life freely and wholly?
Saturday, March 3, 2007
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Week 7 - Oliver
When it's over, I want to say: all my life
I was a bride married to amazement.
I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.
- Mary Oliver, from When Death Comes
This is a small excerpt from the poem; please click on the link to view the whole poem. Valentine's Day was yesterday and, while it celebrates romantic love, I think we should include all types of love and loving experiences because that is what buoys your well-being. When I can remember that I am loved and to pursue what it is I love, I am blissful. When I don't, and lately, I haven't, I am miserable. Being married to amazement means to me that something I'm doing or pursuing is lighting up my imagination, my creativity, my soul. This year, I'm going to play with taking the world in my arms. I'm gong to write a list of things that would bring amazement in my life and carry that around with me and keep it on my wall because I tend to forget what is important. I'll share them as they come to fruition.
The first thing that brings me amazement is my tango dancing. I love it so much and only wish I could do more of it. This week was the first week when it felt like we were really dancing, not just doing steps. It is such a smooth and sensual dance, so much fun to perform.
Question: What brings amazement into your life?
I was a bride married to amazement.
I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.
- Mary Oliver, from When Death Comes
This is a small excerpt from the poem; please click on the link to view the whole poem. Valentine's Day was yesterday and, while it celebrates romantic love, I think we should include all types of love and loving experiences because that is what buoys your well-being. When I can remember that I am loved and to pursue what it is I love, I am blissful. When I don't, and lately, I haven't, I am miserable. Being married to amazement means to me that something I'm doing or pursuing is lighting up my imagination, my creativity, my soul. This year, I'm going to play with taking the world in my arms. I'm gong to write a list of things that would bring amazement in my life and carry that around with me and keep it on my wall because I tend to forget what is important. I'll share them as they come to fruition.
The first thing that brings me amazement is my tango dancing. I love it so much and only wish I could do more of it. This week was the first week when it felt like we were really dancing, not just doing steps. It is such a smooth and sensual dance, so much fun to perform.
Question: What brings amazement into your life?
Wednesday, February 7, 2007
Week 6 - Parson
When I began Inspirations, I had in mind to post a new quote every Saturday. Last Saturday, Feb 3, however, none of the quotes I had collected touched me. The day before was my mother (and my aunt's) 60th birthday and I had made plans to surprise her by driving up. The day before, though, I realized I couldn't afford to rent a car to take the trip. Birthdays are important to me, and to not see my mother on such a special birthday really hurt.
Strange how inspiration finds you. Usually, I write the quote first and then explain its importance, but this passage requires a brief explanation. I took yesterday off and while cleaning up, I ran across a letter my father wrote to my mother. He wrote the letter while he was in the hospital for a cancer treatment sometime in 1980. My father died on February 23, 1981. He was 40 years old, the same age as me, and when I put myself in his shoes, it's terrifying. I remember when I graduated from 5th grade, he wrote in my autograph book that he wanted me to graduate from college, too. He had dreams for my brothers and me that he would never see. I watched my father fight so hard to live, fight to stay with us even when he could no longer breathe by himself or swallow. I watched my mother, who was a young woman, deal with the diagnosis, the illness, the death, and the aftermath with dignity and strength. I saw them try to keep some semblance of normalcy for us even as our lives were turning into a nightmare. I didn't know at the time, but I was witnessing great acts of courage every day. This letter reminds me of what real love and dedication look like in the face of hardship. It reminds me of the type of person my father was and my mother is. I am made of great stock. My parents inspire me to keep fighting for the life I want. Here is the letter from my father, Willie Parson. [I cleaned up the spelling, but kept his punctuation].
Hi Love,
Just a short note to let you know I am all right, so far, this is Monday and I just came back from X-ray, have to go back again tomorrow, they will take pictures while I am swallowing some pink stuff, and if everything is ok they will take this trick [I think he is referring to his tracheostomy] out. When I came up on the floor everybody was glad to see me. They were running around telling everybody Will is here, everybody was telling me how good I looked and how much weight I had put on. Everybody asked about you, how is your wife and the kids, they were amazed at the way I look, they tell me whatever your wife is doing for you just keep it up. They were telling me how good a man I am, and behind every good man stands a good woman, true. I might be home early this time because they are starting the treatment right away. Kids go back to school Wed., right. I hope you get those food stamps we need them bad.
I forgot to ask you where was Penny and Mom going Monday on a bus. Well, I've just about written out now. Tell the gang I said Hello and be good. I'll see you all when I get home Friday I hope. Please don't forget I love you all very much. I guess that's what keeps me going, a loving family.
Bye now
See you later
My father was a really good artist and at the end of the letter, there are pictures of a school bus, cat, and a man with a net, with the following instructions: For Andre [my youngest brother, probably 4 at this time] to color and don't mess it up.
Strange how inspiration finds you. Usually, I write the quote first and then explain its importance, but this passage requires a brief explanation. I took yesterday off and while cleaning up, I ran across a letter my father wrote to my mother. He wrote the letter while he was in the hospital for a cancer treatment sometime in 1980. My father died on February 23, 1981. He was 40 years old, the same age as me, and when I put myself in his shoes, it's terrifying. I remember when I graduated from 5th grade, he wrote in my autograph book that he wanted me to graduate from college, too. He had dreams for my brothers and me that he would never see. I watched my father fight so hard to live, fight to stay with us even when he could no longer breathe by himself or swallow. I watched my mother, who was a young woman, deal with the diagnosis, the illness, the death, and the aftermath with dignity and strength. I saw them try to keep some semblance of normalcy for us even as our lives were turning into a nightmare. I didn't know at the time, but I was witnessing great acts of courage every day. This letter reminds me of what real love and dedication look like in the face of hardship. It reminds me of the type of person my father was and my mother is. I am made of great stock. My parents inspire me to keep fighting for the life I want. Here is the letter from my father, Willie Parson. [I cleaned up the spelling, but kept his punctuation].
Hi Love,
Just a short note to let you know I am all right, so far, this is Monday and I just came back from X-ray, have to go back again tomorrow, they will take pictures while I am swallowing some pink stuff, and if everything is ok they will take this trick [I think he is referring to his tracheostomy] out. When I came up on the floor everybody was glad to see me. They were running around telling everybody Will is here, everybody was telling me how good I looked and how much weight I had put on. Everybody asked about you, how is your wife and the kids, they were amazed at the way I look, they tell me whatever your wife is doing for you just keep it up. They were telling me how good a man I am, and behind every good man stands a good woman, true. I might be home early this time because they are starting the treatment right away. Kids go back to school Wed., right. I hope you get those food stamps we need them bad.
I forgot to ask you where was Penny and Mom going Monday on a bus. Well, I've just about written out now. Tell the gang I said Hello and be good. I'll see you all when I get home Friday I hope. Please don't forget I love you all very much. I guess that's what keeps me going, a loving family.
Bye now
See you later
My father was a really good artist and at the end of the letter, there are pictures of a school bus, cat, and a man with a net, with the following instructions: For Andre [my youngest brother, probably 4 at this time] to color and don't mess it up.
Tuesday, February 6, 2007
Guest Writer
I am not feeling very inspired this week and I hate to let a whole week go by without a post, so I'm asking for a guest writer to list a favorite quote and what it means to him or her.
Saturday, January 27, 2007
Week 5 - Wise
If you are feeling lively, burst into song. If you are feeling jealous, burst into song. If you are feeling ecstatic, burst into song. If you are feeling blue, burst into song.
- Nina Wise, from A Big Free Happy New Unusual Life
The difficulties of last week led me to music. I spent a good part of the weekend downloading music to my computer. First things first, you need to understand that if I could have any talent in the world it would be singing. When I was very young, I wanted to be Cher from the "Sonny and Cher Variety Show" days, to wear beautiful costumes and sing, to be a V-A-M-P. Alas, I was not given that gift, but there is still a part of me that clings to that fantasy. Second, music really takes me there; Urs, more than anyone, knows that certain songs make me transcend, make me feel the Holy Ghost. Music is like silk, or leather, or cashmere, or cotton, sensuality for the soul. Do I want to wrap myself in Sade, Teddy Pendergrass, George Gershwin, Madeleine Peyroux or Janis Joplin? Shall I go to Brazil, or France, or Cuba? Travel back to the '50's or the '70's? Should I take a seat in an intimate, smoky lounge or happily let the music keep me on my feet?
When I was dj'ing, I so enjoyed figuring out what songs I should play on the radio, which ones were special to me, what stories to tell about them, what mood I wanted to create for my audience. I have all sorts of playlists that take me different places: "The Brazilian Songs", "The French Songs", "The Soul Songs", "The Classical Songs", "The Disco Songs", "The Funk Songs".
The playlist that I put together on Sunday I titled "The Sexy Songs" and includes: "Crying" by Rose Royce, "Love Won't Let Me Wait" by Major Harris, "Simply Beautiful" by Al Green, "Between You and Me Baby" by Curtis Mayfield, "Giving Him Something He Can Feel" by En Vogue and "Joy in My Tears" by Stevie Wonder. Silky, smooth, sexy. I have been walking around feeling passionate and sensual, wonderful, like a V-A-M-P.
Question: What songs are the soundtracks of your life? What do they do for you?
A Big New Free Happy Unusual Life: Self Expression and Spiritual Practice for Those Who Have Time for Neither
- Nina Wise, from A Big Free Happy New Unusual Life
The difficulties of last week led me to music. I spent a good part of the weekend downloading music to my computer. First things first, you need to understand that if I could have any talent in the world it would be singing. When I was very young, I wanted to be Cher from the "Sonny and Cher Variety Show" days, to wear beautiful costumes and sing, to be a V-A-M-P. Alas, I was not given that gift, but there is still a part of me that clings to that fantasy. Second, music really takes me there; Urs, more than anyone, knows that certain songs make me transcend, make me feel the Holy Ghost. Music is like silk, or leather, or cashmere, or cotton, sensuality for the soul. Do I want to wrap myself in Sade, Teddy Pendergrass, George Gershwin, Madeleine Peyroux or Janis Joplin? Shall I go to Brazil, or France, or Cuba? Travel back to the '50's or the '70's? Should I take a seat in an intimate, smoky lounge or happily let the music keep me on my feet?
When I was dj'ing, I so enjoyed figuring out what songs I should play on the radio, which ones were special to me, what stories to tell about them, what mood I wanted to create for my audience. I have all sorts of playlists that take me different places: "The Brazilian Songs", "The French Songs", "The Soul Songs", "The Classical Songs", "The Disco Songs", "The Funk Songs".
The playlist that I put together on Sunday I titled "The Sexy Songs" and includes: "Crying" by Rose Royce, "Love Won't Let Me Wait" by Major Harris, "Simply Beautiful" by Al Green, "Between You and Me Baby" by Curtis Mayfield, "Giving Him Something He Can Feel" by En Vogue and "Joy in My Tears" by Stevie Wonder. Silky, smooth, sexy. I have been walking around feeling passionate and sensual, wonderful, like a V-A-M-P.
Question: What songs are the soundtracks of your life? What do they do for you?
A Big New Free Happy Unusual Life: Self Expression and Spiritual Practice for Those Who Have Time for Neither
Cryin' - Rose Royce
Joy Inside My Tears - Stevie Wonder
Week 4 - continued (Living The Life You Imagine)
What a blessed week! I have such wonderful friends and, in different ways, I was surrounded by so many of my angels with love and support. Sherry helped me see what I had forgotten was important. Lilyane helped me be honest with myself. Simone was Simone, unguarded and honest. Tonya and Laura really took on the question about living the life you've imagined. I wasn't able to answer it last week, but here's what I can say now. Living the life I imagine means being free to make choices that lead me to delight. It means following the threads of creativity, adventure, passion, beauty, fun, love and seeing where they lead me. It means holding on to my dreams as if they were precious babies, nurturing them and letting them grow, until they have a life of their own; accepting that kind of responsibility and with it, knowing the satisfaction that will come when my dreams are fully in the world. It means sharing my life with the wonderful people in it already and those yet to come.
Monday, January 22, 2007
Week 4 - Thoreau
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined.
-Henry David Thoreau
This week has been a tough one. Having to face realistically my job prospects has been tough. I'm a little at a loss right now and have not been feeling very inspired. Yesterday, I was browsing in Barnes and Noble and saw this Thoreau quote on a magnet and bought it because somehow it touched a little bit of my soul. I have yet to really think about the imperative - Live the life you've imagined - but I will this weekend. I'd love to hear what you have to say and I hope to put down a beautiful, inspired, lovely answer for myself.Question: What is the life you've imagined for yourself?
-Henry David Thoreau
This week has been a tough one. Having to face realistically my job prospects has been tough. I'm a little at a loss right now and have not been feeling very inspired. Yesterday, I was browsing in Barnes and Noble and saw this Thoreau quote on a magnet and bought it because somehow it touched a little bit of my soul. I have yet to really think about the imperative - Live the life you've imagined - but I will this weekend. I'd love to hear what you have to say and I hope to put down a beautiful, inspired, lovely answer for myself.Question: What is the life you've imagined for yourself?
Saturday, January 13, 2007
Week 3 - Campbell
When a spider makes a beautiful web, the beauty comes out of the spider's nature. . . How much of the beauty of our own lives is about the beauty of being alive?
-Joseph Campbell
I read the Power of Myth (a compilation of interviews for the PBS documentary series with Bill Moyers) a couple of years ago. It resonated deeply with me on several levels because I was questioning so much of my life. Joseph Campbell was not only an intelligent and educated man, he was also very wise. And if you ever get the chance to read the book, whether you agree or disagree with his theses, you will be challenged to think of religion, spirituality, and life in new and, maybe even, exciting ways.
The quote above reminds me of my experiences volunteering for the Omega Institute's "Being Fearless" conferences. It's been 2 years now and running that I've been a part of the Information/Help team. I love it so much. I began volunteering because I wanted to take the workshops and I couldn't afford them, but last year, I realized that I really enjoy being of service, of being a source of calm and love, and that makes a huge difference in those whose lives I've touched. When I am in my nature, like that spider, I am beautiful and the world around me is beautiful. And I don't just mean physically (although it is nice and I definitely appreciate physical beauty - has anyone seen my picture with Ryan Gentles!). But really I mean to have beautiful connections with each other, to share kind words, to touch someone's heart, to be open - these are the things that make life worthwhile.
Post your comments on the following questions.
Question: When do you feel most beautiful and alive? How much of the beauty of your own life is about being alive?
Read more about Joseph Campbell and The Power of Myth
-Joseph Campbell
I read the Power of Myth (a compilation of interviews for the PBS documentary series with Bill Moyers) a couple of years ago. It resonated deeply with me on several levels because I was questioning so much of my life. Joseph Campbell was not only an intelligent and educated man, he was also very wise. And if you ever get the chance to read the book, whether you agree or disagree with his theses, you will be challenged to think of religion, spirituality, and life in new and, maybe even, exciting ways.
The quote above reminds me of my experiences volunteering for the Omega Institute's "Being Fearless" conferences. It's been 2 years now and running that I've been a part of the Information/Help team. I love it so much. I began volunteering because I wanted to take the workshops and I couldn't afford them, but last year, I realized that I really enjoy being of service, of being a source of calm and love, and that makes a huge difference in those whose lives I've touched. When I am in my nature, like that spider, I am beautiful and the world around me is beautiful. And I don't just mean physically (although it is nice and I definitely appreciate physical beauty - has anyone seen my picture with Ryan Gentles!). But really I mean to have beautiful connections with each other, to share kind words, to touch someone's heart, to be open - these are the things that make life worthwhile.
Post your comments on the following questions.
Question: When do you feel most beautiful and alive? How much of the beauty of your own life is about being alive?
Read more about Joseph Campbell and The Power of Myth
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